Sarah Palin visits Northeastern Pennsylvania

Sarah Palin came to Northeastern Pennsylvania today. As the trees in many parts of this area are at peak color right now, she certainly picked a beautiful time to visit. I hope she managed to glance out the window as she bumped along the highway from the airport to her speaking engagement in Scranton.

The following is a work of fiction. Maybe.

When Sarah Palin came to Northeastern Pennsylvania, the eager head of the Young Polish Republicans made arrangements for her to speak to a group of Polish union workers. His organization had a small parade in Governor Palin's honor, with horses and a school marching band. The speech was held within the Union Hall, which doubled as a bar. Not being old enough to attend, the supporter had to be content with introducing her and waiting outside.

Governor Palin stood before the crowd and looked nervously at the weatherbeaten men before her, many of whom were second-generation Americans who still peppered their speech with words from their ancestors' language. She began to speak.

"Thank you so much for that very, very warm welcome to Northeastern Pennsylvania. Thank you! I understand Senator Biden is from around here! Sorry I was so rough on him in our debate a coupla weeks ago!"

The Polish men laughed, and someone in the back shouted "KOŃ GÓWNO!" The room burst into applause.

"Ya know, John McCain is the only man in this race who is gonna solve our economic crisis an' not exploit it. An' he's the only man in this race with a plan that will actually help our workin' families, an' cut your taxes, and get our economy back on track."

More men shouted now. "KOŃ GÓWNO!"

"I know a lotta you guys have voted for the Democrat candidates in the past. But this is a moment when principles an' political independence matter a lot more than just the party line. John McCain an' I don't just talk about change, we're the only candidates in this race with a track record of actually makin' change happen. "

The room erupted in unison: "KOŃ GÓWNO!"

She had to cut her speech short and wrap it up: "Ya know, you're going to hear our opponents still go on and on about how they're gonna fight for you. But there's only one man in this campaign who has ever really fought for you. He has the courage to go on fightin' for you. That man is John McCain so God bless ya for supportin' John McCain. Thank you, Northeastern Pennsylvania!"

The men leaped to their feet and began to applaud, to thunderous cheers of "KOŃ GÓWNO!"

Governor Palin was escorted out and her young host greeted her. "I must apologize," he said. "They haven't cleaned up after the parade yet, and those horses made a terrible mess. Be careful not to step in the koń gówno!"


My apologies to the original author of this joke, which was much briefer and funnier before I got my hands on it. And if anyone has a better translation of the key words in Polish, please let me know.