While Conservatives spent this Saturday morning smoking their fine cigars and drinking their cognac while sitting around in their slippers made from the hides of Harp Seal pups and checking out the balances in their secret numbered Swiss accounts, I was busy baking. I made two loaf pans of Shoo-Fly Cake and one batch of my grandmother's Drop Cookies from a recipe that my mom said she was never able to get to work right. While Conservatives were in chat rooms discussing their heroin and pornography*, I was busy sharing my grandmother's Drop Cookie recipe with the world. And while I was doing that, my mom was frying up a batch of not-so-green tomatoes for lunch.
My lunch, clockwise from front: Fried not-so-green plum tomatoes from our yard; jar of concentrated grape juice, made Thursday night from grapes picked just a few hours earlier; Drop Cookie with coconut; slice of Shoo-Fly Cake.
Yep. All natural, all homemade, partly from ingredients grown at home. Even now I can see Conservatives growing apoplectic with rage, shaking their fists at the screen and shouting "Damn you, d.b. echo! I want what you are having for lunch!"
But wait - what is that in the upper left-hand corner? Those two glows...are those eyes? Laser Cat eyes?
Zoom in...track left...enhance...enhance...
Yes, it's Scooter, last seen posing on a hassock for a portrait, photobombing the picture! Nicky is in there too, or at least part of him - his back, belly, and legs, visible in the upper left of this enhanced image.
Now that I've eaten and screwed about online a bit, it's time to go out and express my Liberal hatred of America by mowing my lawn with my manual reel mower. Whirrr-click-clack-squeak, anyone?
*Paraphrase of Rorschach from Watchmen.
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8 comments:
This was a great post!
Well, I liked your lunch very much, probably not so much as you. Mostly I liked that you are conservative in your approach to food. Good quality, no additives, just fresh, home cooked stuff.
Something, I would do, if I had time. But I don't. I have 3 jobs, 3 kids, I used to say 3 dogs, but one died and so I mop my floor every 3 months whether it needs it or not.
I work. I am a single mom. I have a garden and I love to see the produce come in.
I don't love people who kill babies for sport. I do understand the choice between killing a baby to save a mother. That decision gets made with prayer and on the inside. Raped mothers are dying physically, just emtionally; but that doesn't count, because in time, she will become something more for her suffering.
The babies life counts more then.
I resent people who reduce major questions to a banner. I figure that your monkey is valid to a point. Let's leave it there.
Anonymous, we agree in not loving those who kill babies for sport.
There are other things you say that I do not agree with - but I am wondering if my interpretation of your next-to-last statement is correct. The name of my blog comes from the notion that every blogger is just another monkey with a typewriter, convinced that he is the one who is banging out the complete works of Shakespeare. Whenever I feel particularly pleased with something clever I have said, or particularly wounded by something someone else has said, I try to remember that every one of us is just another monkey with a typewriter.
I can't lie to you, D.B. My favorite part of this post was Scooter. Scooter is amazing. I hope Scooter will be making more stealth appearances.
Scotter is the only sane thing about this post. You really think that no conservatives actually work 50-60 hours per week but live a life of leisure?
If you have children, I feel sorry for them.
This is the type of trash that is atypical of liberals.
Anonymous, I have no idea if you are the same anonymous as the first one. But let me inform you of a longstanding but seldom-stated policy around here: I am not responsible for how you choose to interpret things I did not say.
If you are incapable of recognizing satire, then you may want to take John McCain's advice and switch off the computer and go take a walk outside. Do you really think I believe that Conservatives actually sit around all day drinking cognac (the drink of choice for top-level gangsta rappers), smoking fine cigars (like Bill Clinton), and wearing slippers made from Harp Seal pups? In that case, it may surprise you to learn that the answer is "no." Do you really believe that Liberals hate America, family, religion, tradition, and all that is good and right with the world? Sadly, from your "This is the type of trash that is atypical (sic) of liberals" comment, I fear the answer may be "yes."
Maybe you shouldn't switch off the computer. Maybe you should use it to learn more about what Liberals really believe in. And then go out and meet some Liberals in real life and see what they are all about. You will be surprised.
(And: not to be snarky or even an asshole - neither of which would be, well, atypical for me - but you use the word "atypical" exactly wrong. "Atypical" means "not typical". I used to work with an engineer who would always use "atypical" when he meant "typical", and I wanted to throttle him every time. "Inflammable" and "flammable", however, mean exactly the same thing.)
Trying to talk to a liberal, one must remember to never get in the way of an enemy that’s destroying it self. You are simply suffering from the mental ravages of liberalism. Just continue with your liberal ramblings. That said, no additional comments are warranted. Wait, sorry...douchebag is additional and warranted.
Anonymous, thanks for clearing that up.
You may want to re-read what you wrote and see how it applies to yourself.
"Enemy"? Wow. "Destroying itself?" I wish some folks would be content with destroying themselves, and not hell-bent on taking the rest of the country that I love down with them. I'll keep fighting to save it.
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