There are a few things you should not do if you are dealing with a stalker. You should not, for example, meet with them. You should not talk to them. You should not have any other interaction with them. Even your most strenuous attempts to tell them directly to leave you the hell alone will be interpreted as encouragement.
Pretty close to the top of the list is this admonishment: You should not write a song that takes its lyrics from the letters your stalker sends you.
Sarah McLachlan did just that with her song "Possession." Here are two versions of the video to this song. The first one is the Canadian version, and was directed by her*:
The second one is the American version, as seen on MTV. Sony/BMG has posted a higher-quality but non-embeddable version of this video to YouTube.
It turns out that one of the reasons you should not do this sort of thing is because of what happened to Sarah McLachlan: her stalker tried to sue her for using his words without permission or attribution. This worked out in the end, though. The stalker killed himself before his lawsuit could go forward.
Sarah has lived on, and has prospered. Today she turns forty.
Forty. Think about that. FORTY! Sarah McLachlan is forty years old! She's OLD! So OLD!!! Forty is immensely, immeasurably old! She's...she's...
...well, she's older than me, anyway.
By a day.
*This is the second video I have posted in three days that has a Salomé reference. That's kinda odd.
The narcissistic primarily autobiographical blog of the pseudonymous d.b. echo
Wow! I always loved that song and I had no idea that's how it came to be. That's a little creepy.
ReplyDeleteweird: yesterday i posted an excerpt from my favorite book, which is a politcal revelation that is revealed as people watch a bellydancer perform salome's dance of the seven veils. we must be on the same wavelength this week.
ReplyDeletei can't believe sarah is 40! i don't think i would have survived high school without that cd.
p.s. happy nearly birthday!
Happy birthday!
ReplyDeleteHarold
ReplyDeletehappy birthday. Also, I think I love you for the comment you left on Tiffany's site. That Gay Conservative makes me want to fist fight somebody. And if you saw me you'd understand how funny that is!
Ok, I find it a bit weird that she would quote her stalker's letter. I'm glad he didn't get a chance to hurt her though.
ReplyDeleteI never knew the lyrics of that song came from a stalker.
ReplyDeleteToo bad he killed himself - he might have had a good songwriting career.
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
Crap, I read that but it never clicked into my brain. I'm an ass. Sorry about that, and happy birthday many times over. Congrats on the new job and Sarah M rules.
ReplyDeletePS - My dad's bday is Jan 23, so you two are sorta birthday buddies.
What a bunch of horseshit! R U a cop or something? Most people don't get stalked and those that do are usually bitches who deserve everything they get.
ReplyDeleteAny mature adult woman can disabuse a guy of the notion that he can have a chance with her ... if she talks to him. Ultimately she may have to threaten him with criminal proceedings if he doesn't get it... but the mere fact he hasn't harmed her ought to be taken as an indication it isn't his intent.
Less than 1% of all people charged with criminal harassment are ever convicted of a crime of actual violence. And way too many lives are ruined because some bitch who led a guy on in the first place runs to the police after she has found a guy she likes better and he still thinks he can get her back.
You have no idea how ironically funny that last comment is. Most people think I'm much closer to being a stalker than a cop. The truth is somewhere in-between, I think.
ReplyDeleteBut you appear to be a statistician. Would you care to cite the sources for those numbers you're throwing around? Or are you just pulling them out of your ass?
Kudos on publishing my post. I was surprised that you did.
ReplyDeleteCloser to a stalker than a cop - now that is funny. You seem like you have considerable expertise at pulling things from you ass or you wouldn't publish that boneheaded "never talk to your stalker" shit.
While it might hold true for celebrities and celebrity stalkers, the main beneficiaries of this kind of advice are police chiefs seeking to expand their budgets. It certainly causes "victims" to miscalculate the risk.
You can do your own research but start with the Canadian Center for Justice Statistics, which did the study that provides the basis for my claim. However, the author was so biased she didn't reach the obvious and rational conclusions that she should have drawn from the stat - that few "stalkers" are attempting to cause the victim "harm," and that few "stalkers" intend to harm their
victims.
The "stalker" is often unaware that the "victim" thinks she is being stalked. A "victim" should talk to the guy - perhaps not alone and in a public spot - to make him aware of how she is seeing things before running to the police and ruining his life and reputation.
Stalker not doing harm? Please.
ReplyDeleteWhere do you even get these ideas? How do you even know? Show me some data to back up your claims. Show me why it's ok to violate a person's personal space? Stalking is THREATENING. If I tell someone I don't want to be near them and they continue to follow me, how is that not a problem? How is that ok at all?
"The "stalker" is often unaware that the "victim" thinks she is being stalked."
Why are you defending these people? Do you even understand what "stalking" IS?
"You can do your own research but start with the Canadian Center for Justice Statistics, which did the study that provides the basis for my claim."
I provided links for the specific statistics behind my claims. Tell me which study, what statistics what webpage they're on and in what way they're supporting your claim? Even if I wasted time scouring their site for what MIGHT be the "support" for your claims, I won't see the connection unless you show how the data backs you up. Have you ever written an argumentative essay before? You don't just say, "stalkers don't mean harm" (which you can't really prove anyway--you can show how often there's an incidence of violence, but you can't prove or disprove someone is intending something), and then say, just look it up on this website that supports what I'm saying. Stop pulling shit out of your ass and actually back up what you're saying.
Also, I'm doubtful about your source as it comes from the Canadian Center of Justice Stastiics, which means it probably only takes into consideration REPORTED incidents of violence and many are NOT reported. That's why I provided the links in my previous comment, because they include statistics on reported and unreported violence.