A life lived in the open

One of the consequences of being a blogger is that you open yourself up to the public, one way or another. Maybe you're a "life" blogger, giving details of your personal life to readers one blog entry at a time. Maybe you're a political blogger, standing on a soapbox and proclaiming opinions that you want people to hear, and maybe even pay attention to. Could be that you're a camgirl blogger, showing your pretty face (and sometimes much more) for appreciative strangers who compensate you with the occasional tip or item from your wish list, and writing pieces about the crazy adventures you get into.

All of us are out there in the open. At the mercy of the public.

...'cause deep down
We are frightened and we're scared
If you don't stare...

- Smashing Pumpkins, Cherub Rock

Most of the time it's cool. But sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes a reader may become more than a bit obsessive, and aggressive, and cross the line into stalkerhood.

What do you do then?

The short answer is, I don't know. But there is an excellent article called "Don't Feed the Stalker" that I think everyone should read. It's scary, but very informative; unfortunately, some of the advice may be a little hard to take for people who have created and wish to maintain a public persona.

The only way to break this cycle is to increase the cost of contact to the point where he's finally simply unable to pay it. And that means cutting him off entirely until he either finds something else to obsess about; or he simply hears the "no" at last, and gives up. This is why the best thing a stalkee can do is move to a new town, delist her number, change her online ID, and takes all the other steps necessary to put herself completely and totally beyond his reach -- for at least several years, or (better) forever. (For celebrity stalkers, they recommend other tactics, but the strategy is the same.) Scarce or intermittent contact is, in many ways, the worst of all worlds: it drives the price of contact up so insanely high that the stalker may decide to pay it up all at once in a burst of violence.

If you or someone you know has ever had to deal with a stalker, or if you or they are in a position where you may someday be confronted by a stalker, please give the article a read. At least you'll have a heads-up on what can be done.